Japan: A Final Summary From SG

As many of you will know SG was meant to have travelled this time last year, but disaster struck and plans were put on hold until further notice. Twelve months have passed since and guess what? SG has travelled to Japan. Wheeeey… 

Japan was everything SG expected it to be whilst being something completely altogether different. A nation filled with what one can only describe as ‘inverted stereotypes’. You have the suits. The trains. The karaoke bars. The sushi. The vending machines. The slutty dressed females. All of that is there, but there were plenty of surprises along the way and some of these observations SG would like to share with you now. 

The first thing SG came to notice was the extremely mediocre height the general Japanese population exude. Extremely mediocre indeed. The majority of men must only have been a paltry 5’7″ and the women were walking/talking Polly Pocket’s. Teeny. This of course wasn’t a shock, but SG wasn’t prepared for the extent to which the height difference would be. Alas, this did make it an easier train ride come rush hour and ‘garlic breath’ o’clock. 

Another shocker to the system what something you’ll have to take SG’s word for it, OK? The Japanese tend to example more of a waddle than a walk, which means that at times of rush hour a gaijin could be easily forgiven to think they were part of a Japanese synchronized Mexican wave flashmob. Furthermore, a considerable volume of Japanese (arguably more men than women) have severe walking difficulties. Severe enough for SG to best describe it as ‘gammy leg’. This has been a term that has evolved organically through the telling of the trip. Sad certainly, but certainly one of the most defined takeaways of the entire trip. 

Another takeaway was being offered a blowjob for 5,000 at only 10 in the morning. ‘When in Rome’ SG thought. So I politely declined and said ‘no thank you, I haven’t even had my breakfast yet and I have no intention of giving you yours’. 

In spite of all of these huge cultural differences, SG had an absolutely amazing time in Japan. He truly made a friend in Japan and wouldn’t hesitate in visiting the country again. It’s a land of funny walkers, post-work alcoholics, smutty dressed girls and passive aggressive housewives. 

SG was continually left humbled by the generosity bestowed upon him during his three week trip. Clearly a nation where respect is the currency of culture. Locals were always offering in as best-a-way as they could, even if this meant a prolonged dual of semantics. English Vs. Japanese. Tourist Vs. Local. It was fun. It was endearing. It was clearly Japanese life. 

Affection exuded from all walks of Japanese life. Walking in to a shop you will be greeted, welcomed and smiled to. Likewise, walking in to a restaurant, teahouse or whore house (SG assumes!). 

Without no real need to, Japan has slipped a little deeper into SG’s heart. It’s a nation that welcomed him with open arms. A perfect synergy of chalk and cheese. 

Japan, SG will be back, but until then… 

Arigatou. x


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